Broken heart

Breakups are one of the toughest things people can go through. You go through so many emotions and they can all pile on at once. Anger, hatred, sadness, depression, shock, denial and those are just some of the few. People almost always come to the stage of acceptance though. Peace. Being able to move on and start again. So I’m sure many of you have gone through a breakup and if you haven’t then I hope you never have too. It can be one of the most painful times in your life. My first and only real official breakup, happened to me when I was 17. It nearly killed me, literally. In my first post I made, I mentioned I had recently gone through a sort of breakup with someone and I was really struggling at the moment. I said that one of the side effects of this was that I stopped eating and this was and is a really big problem for me. So I thought in this post, I’d mention some big events in my life that led me to where I am today. Like I said in my previous post, if you feel like commenting, giving advice or venting about a situation you’re going through then please do.

When I was 14, I wasn’t feeling very unwell so I went to the doctors for a blood test. I expected everything to be normal but I received a call telling me to come back in and see my GP. I was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. I was speechless. For my whole life leading up to that point I had taken care of myself. I played cricket, basketball, rugby, badminton. I tried to be as active as possible and my mum always fed me the right foods. No one in my family has ever had diabetes either. I didn’t understand. I went home and cried and cried for days. It’s made me hate myself my whole life. The worst thing is that no one has ever given me an answer to why I got it. Out of everyone in the world, why did I have to get it? I just don’t understand. So not being able to eat is pretty dangerous for me and could cause serious problems. Some of which I’m going through now because of the recent breakup. As soon as I was diagnosed, I decided to put on a persona. A very arrogant and over-confident one and it worked. I didn’t tell anyone I had diabetes and to this day I hate talking about it. I hate it. It makes me feel weak. So putting on that persona helped me a lot. I felt like I could take on the world. I ended up missing a lot of school at that point by trying to come to grips with what I got diagnosed with and going to hospitals. However, When I was 16 I met someone and I fell in love with them. I’d always go to hers after school, we’d see each other all the time at school, I was the happiest I’d ever been. We become an official couple towards the end of August and stayed together until January, the day I got my A level results back. I failed and got dumped. This was the first time I self harmed I think. I couldn’t handle all that happening to me at once. I felt like the biggest failure in the world. Within a week or two, we ended up back together.

There was so much drama in that relationship I want to talk about that I’m going to have to make a part 2 for this post. Thank you for reading and feel free to post your thoughts and comments. Next post will be up shortly :)…

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