Breakups Part 2…

Broken Heart part 2

After we broke up, we got together again in a week or two after that. For the next 6 months we were happy, or at least I was. She ended it again at the end of July. I really thought that was the end. I lived near a field at the time and I went for a walk to the field after we broke up and in the field there was a gate. I sat on that gate for 4 hours and cried. Praying to God to give me one more chance with her. One more chance to try to make things work. It worked. We were back together within a month. I don’t really believe in God, so for anyone who does I’m sorry but this is just how I feel. He seemed real on that day though. She told me that when we were broken up she got with someone else and that upset me but we moved forward until she finally ended it a few days before my Birthday and that was the final time. From that day on, I have never enjoyed my birthday. I don’t celebrate my birthday and I sit in my room. I just don’t enjoy it anymore. There are certain things I won’t go into about that relationship as I never will go into them with anyone, but I had some of the worst experiences ever. I’m sorry this seems a little rushed. I’ve hit on the main points but if I told you everything that happened in that relationship we’d be here forever.

Since the age of 18, some people may even say 14, I have been depressed. I’ve been struggling with depression for almost 8 or 12 years. I failed my A levels, I ended up going to college 3 times to get my A levels. When I eventually passed I managed to get to University, only to drop out in the first week as I couldn’t control my diabetes and I was passing out everyday. I was a mess. I couldn’t function anymore. I just wanted to die. I made several attempts to end my life until I finally ended up in hospital and a doctor came by and asked if I had tried to commit suicide. I told them yes and I was sectioned in hospital for a month. I have thrown a lot of information at you in these last two posts and I have missed out on a lot of details. I should probably be eating so I can actually write a good post but if you have any questions then please ask. As weird as this sounds, being sectioned was the best thing that has ever happened to me because I got well. I met so many good and kind people who got me back on track and helped me get to where I am today. I owe them my life. It means the world what they did for me and I will never be able to thank them enough.

And now here we are. In the present day. I’m miserable and unwell again. I’m struggling with this current breakup so much. I’m terrified I’m going to be depressed for another 8 years again. Luckily though, some of the people who have helped me before are now helping me again before university starts. There’s so much more I want to share but the point of this breakup post was this. Being alone is really destroying me. I told myself when I was 21, if I don’t get another girlfriend by the age of 30, I’m going to call it a day and end my life. I’m now 26, going on 27 so I have 3 years left to achieve my goal. I really doubt I will be able too but I needed to tell someone this as I never have. It’s stupid and selfish I know but I don’t want to be alone anymore. Breakups are tough and like i said in my first post, I hope you never have to go through one as it breaks your heart. What I’ve been doing recently to help with this recent breakup is listening to music. A song that has been really helping me is Sam Smith’s song “Make it to me”. I’ll put a link in this post because it’s an amazing song and it might make you feel better too. Hopefully I’m allowed to do that but if not I’ll take it down. I’ve gone over my word limit now but as I always say, please feel free to vent in the comments about your life or to give me advice on what I’m going through. Thank you for reading :), until next time…

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