Tomorrow evening, I’m going on a date and I’m pretty terrified. I don’t know what I’m going to wear, I’ve had my hair cut three times to try to make it look okay, it’s in a place I’ve never been to and…I’m not looking forward to it. After this recent breakup I thought this is what I needed but I’m just feeling negative about it.
I’ve only ever been on one date in my entire life and it went…badly. It was awful. Basically I met someone on a dating website and we decided to meet up for drinks. I decided to look the best I could and went to go meet her. She turned and looked at me like I was the worst looking person in the world. I mean, we met on a dating site and I put photo’s of myself on there so she knew what I looked like. She stayed for about 20 minutes before leaving me on my own. She made no effort to talk and replied to every question I asked with one word answers. This was at a time I was feeling suicidal and trying to get my life back on track as well. So overall, my experience with dating is pretty bad. The girl I’m seeing tomorrow, I also met online and she is so nice. She makes me smile so much and she asked me out! Yes! I know, unbelievable. I keep reading back the messages myself to make sure she actually did but yeah she asked me out. She’s so nice and we’ve gotten on so well but I’m just not looking forward to tomorrow. I’m having problems with one of my housemates, there’s still drama going on from last years flat which includes the girl I was seeing and I just don’t know if I can deal with this. I’m expecting to turn up, she’ll see me and then 30 minutes later I’ll be on my own. I have no idea what I’m even meant to wear. I don’t want to wear a shirt as I’ll have to put a jumper on over it and I get far to hot just wearing a t-shirt let alone a shirt and jumper. Plus, what if she does turn away or she doesn’t talk to me? I’m just going to feel even more suicidal than I already do and I doubt I’ll come on here if things don’t go well. I’ll probably just do something stupid and end up hurting myself or worse. I’m so nervous and anxious and it doesn’t help when I’m living with someone who is a complete dick bag who makes me upset and anxious all the time. I really want to go on this date but I just don’t feel like I’m ready.
I didn’t want to write about my date tomorrow but I hadn’t posted anything in a while and everything else on my mind is just a mess so I thought I should at least write something. I haven’t told anyone about my date as I didn’t want to jinx it but I’ve now told you guys so if it all goes wrong, it’s my fault for telling you all. There’s a lot of other things I want to vent about but as I said, my mind is a mess right now and I can’t put those thoughts into words. Any help you can provide me on dating would mean the world to me. Whether it’s on what to talk about, what to wear, what time to arrive or just how to not fuck it up would be much appreciated. I’ll probably post again tomorrow telling you how badly it went. Hope you’re all having a good day 🙂