Life update and frustrations

Frustation keyboard

Hi Everyone 👋

It’s been a while since I’ve made a post so I thought I’d update you on what’s been happening and vent a little about a few things. I’ve actually broken my post down this time into segments so all my thoughts and feelings aren’t jumbled up together so I feel organised 🙂

Bad:

  • Didn’t get the job: So the plan is to go back to university in September and obviously while I’m there, I want to be working part time so I can earn some money to get a flat when I graduate as neither my Mum or Dad will let me live with them after university. The job I wanted was working in my universities library. I called up at the beginning of the year and explained my situation saying I would be returning in September and asked if they would have any jobs going then. I was told to look on my universities website around May and the applications will close at the end of May and to apply there. So I did what she said and I couldn’t find the application section anywhere. So I called up today to ask about the jobs going again as we’re in the middle. I spoke to a very rude woman who told me all the jobs have gone and the applications have closed. Every time I tried to explain to her what had happened or ask a question she would just talk over me. I even tried asking the same question 3 times and she spoke over me every time! She eventually shut up but the whole thing has just really pissed me off. I was told the end of May the applications would close and I couldn’t find anywhere on the university page to apply over the last month. I just presumed they hadn’t put up the posting yet that’s why I only asked today. I’m now very unlikely of finding another job while studying which means I’ll have no money to afford a flat and I’ll be homeless as my parents are shit. Thanks Uni and God. A* as always.

 

  • Missing my ex: I’ve been really missing Jess (Not real name) lately. I just can’t seem to move on from her and I 100% hate being single. I’m still using dating websites and I’m just having no luck at all. I feel like the ugliest person in the world. I’ve asked people and they say I’m not ugly at all or bad looking so I don’t get it. I just feel like they’re saying that to make me feel better but at uni, 3/4 girls I was living with had a crush on me and liked me and the 4th just never told anyone much. Also, when I started hooking up with Jess, a girl bought me a drink and asked or my number. Four other girls started talking to me on tinder which never happens to me anymore so I just don’t get it. I feel like when I was in a relationship with Jess and the other girl from years ago, everyone suddenly liked me and wanted me. Now that I’m single, I can’t seem to get anyone to like me or even talk to me and find me attractive. It’s making me feel so shit about myself.

 

  • Angry: I’ve been getting really angry over the smallest of things and beating myself up too over the smallest of things. One thing that has made me really angry lately is my friends from university. Basically one of my friends there has been diagnosed with cancer which is absolutely horrible. However when I was talking to her, she said she didn’t want to tell me because she didn’t want to upset anyone but then said everyone in the our group of friends knows but me. She told three or four people and her boyfriend told the rest. I mean, wtf! I 100% understand why she didn’t tell me and if she doesn’t want to I’m okay with that but her boyfriend could of told me or one of our group could have. He even messaged me the week asking how I was and stuff and he’s never, ever done that before! I even asked how he and her were and he said it had been pretty bad and not great. I just asked is that because of the distance and he flat out ignored me and never responded to my message. Dick! It just makes me feel like I’m not really even friends with them if I’m the last to know. So I’ve left the group chat because I got really angry and still am at them. It’s horrible because it’s made me angry at her and not care about what shes going through and its not even her fault. I’m such a dick for feeling like that but that’s how they’ve made me feel.

 

Good:

  • I got PIP! So PIP is like a benefit kinda thing (I think) to help people with illnesses and medical conditions. So I’m going to start getting money from that and that is going to really help. I spend so much money on Jelly Babies and things to sort my blood sugar level out and spending money on travel costs to get to medical appointments so this is really good. It also means I’ll get more money for university which is awesome. I’m little pissed off with what the lady wrote about me after my assessment as she said there was nothing wrong with my memory at all and I don’t shake. This has pissed me right off as I could of got a higher rate of pay. I was going to call up and complaint and say I have my MRI scan if you want it and my memory is so shit. Plus my hands are shaking non stop after my accident so she can fuck right off. But my Dad was like you got it so don’t bother complaining as they might review you and take it away. I’m not sure how true that is but yeah. Overall, I’m happy I have it and it will help a lot.

 

  • I have a summer job: So after my last job didn’t go so well I’ve started working in my local pub as a kitchen porter. It doesn’t pay a lot but it’s very chill, it’s kind of relaxing and I don’t have to really think or stress myself out to much. The manager was really nice and said if I start to feel better and healthier, maybe I can move up to front of house and behind the bar. That meant a lot to me and they are all very nice there. It sucks it doesn’t pay much but it’s money and it doesn’t stress me out and it’s easy.

 

So there’s the update on me. I’m sure I’ve missed out on some things but if I remember them, I’ll come back and edit this post later. The plan now is to start going to the gym and start working and planning out my dissertation so I have a head start and am prepared for when I get back to uni. I’ll try to make another post again soon and not leave such a gap. Thanks for reading 🙂 Hope you’re all well. Fell free to leave a message :).

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