Forgiving someone for doing something horrible, is one of the most difficult actions to do or at least it is for me. So why do people find it so hard to forgive?
Using Google Scholar, I found an article/book named “Forgiveness: Theory, Research, and Practice” edited by Michael E. McCullough, Kenneth Ira Pargament, Carl E. Thoresen. In the chapter “Barriers to the expression of forgiveness and repentance, it says “And why might a victim be reluctant to forgive, when forgiving will offer reconciliation and help one escape the victim role? One obvious possibility is that people do not express forgiveness or repentance because they simple do not want to. When people become consumed by anger and defensiveness, they may not want their adversaries to have the satisfaction of a confession or apology on one hand, or an assurance of forgiveness on the other”. I find it incredible difficult to forgive anyone for any wrong doing and I’ve held on to so many horrible things done to me for such a long time. I’ve never stopped though to think, “Why won’t I forgive them for one they’ve done?” Do I feel weak for forgiving someone for hurting me? Do I feel like I’ve lost a battle or something if I forgive them? Maybe their action was so horrible that I just feel like it’s unforgivable. I’m still holding on to hatred, anger, disgust, sadness, revenge and many more feelings towards people. Towards bullies, towards former friends that I’ve had arguments with, towards family members, towards strangers and most of all, towards my ex girlfriend. Forgiving someone just seems wrong to me. Why should I forgive someone or being so horrible towards me? Why should I let them off the hook for their horrible and evil actions? I just don’t understand why someone would do that. Why I would do that.
The reason I bring up forgiveness is because the other day, I was watching one of my favourite sport shows named Undisputed. It’s an american show with Skip Bayless an American sports columnist and Shannon Sharpe the former American football player. Shannon made a comment on the show about forgiveness. I’ve put a link to the video below but he said “Forgiveness is never for the person that’s wronged you. Forgiveness is for you. It gives you an opportunity to move on.” That comment resonated with me so much that I finally after all these years, want to start forgiving people for doing wrong to me. Not for what they’ve done, but to lift the weights off of my shoulders that I’ve been carrying around. So that I’m able to finally let go and move on with my life. To let go of all those negative emotions and to help fix my mental health. The only question I have is, how do I forgive them? How do I move on? It’s so hard to let go of what these people have done to me. I wish there was a manual telling you how to forgive someone.
So thank you Shannon for saying what you said. I’m going to try my hardest to forgive the people that have wronged me. Not for what they’ve done, but for myself. So I can start to heal. So I can move on. So I can lift this heavy weight off of me. So I can get rid of this anger, hatred and sadness I’ve been holding on. I have no idea how I’m going to do this but I’m going to try my best.