University accommodation

Accommodation

Today I received my offer for university accommodation that I applied for back in January.  Sadly, I didn’t get the choice I wanted which has made me feel pretty shit. I know, I’m just whinging about something stupid #first world problems but it’s really bothered me. Let me explain why…

So at my university, when you apply for campus accommodation you have a few choices to make about what type of accommodation you want. Such as which building and location, en suite or shared, self catered or catered and quiet, moderately quiet or normal. Now normally accommodation on campus is for first years only and I’m going into my 5th year. My 3rd year I ended up in a coma and I dropped out of 4th year as I came back to early and was ready or well enough to continue. So I already know first years get their choices first and that makes sense but housing have said it’s on a first come first served basis and applications opened up in January. I applied in January and I’m pretty sure it was on the day the applications opened. I picked north location (Not real name), self catered and quiet. The offer I received today was in North so I can’t complain there. However it was moderately quiet and not in the building I selected. So I emailed housing and asked why I didn’t get my choice of accommodation that I wanted. Here is the response I got from housing at my university.

“You have been allocated with other mature students, so although it is a moderately quiet designated flat, you will be with others of a similar age and therefore hopefully will be comfortable there”. First of all, I HATE the term “mature students”. It just makes me feel really, really old. I’m 27! I know most people joining university are 18 but the term just makes me feel like I’m double the age of new students or older! I didn’t get to go to university when I was 18 because my school didn’t even acknowledge me or anyone they didn’t think was smart enough to get to university. I also became incredibly unwell at the age both physically and mentally and since 18, I’ve been battling with my health everyday. So I didn’t get to university until I was 23 because I worked so hard to fix my health and luckily, I did. Sadly though, I had some really shit housemates my first year at university and they made me very unwell and since then, my health has just gotten worse and worse.

As I’ve been writing this post, I received a response to my reply to their email saying this. “Due to our allocations policy we have ensured mature students (24 years old and over) are housed together”. When I tried to come back for my fourth year and in my 3rd year, I wasn’t forced to live with mature students. In my 3rd year, the oldest person I lived with not including myself was 20. So this must be a brand new policy as I’ve worked for housing at my university as a residential assistant and I’ve never heard of it! Secondly to that, so because I’m over the age of 24 I don’t get the same rights as students younger than me? No matter if I apply as soon as applications open and rooms are given on a first come first served basis?

I know because I’ve worked for them I shouldn’t expect any special treatment but I mean come on. They know me and they know how much I’ve been struggling with my health while at university and even while working for them. I worked fucking hard for them and I put a tone of effort into working for them. Not to mention that THEIR security guard injected me with insulin giving me brain damage! They’re just treating me like crap. Even when I woke up from my coma, they told my parents I could have my job back if I wanted it. So I asked for my job back and they said no as all roles were filled. So I asked again in January this year as students working as R.A’s would be leaving and there response was “You won’t be back in time for interviews and all positions would be filled by then”. WHAT?! Why would you need to interview me when I’ve done the job before and giving me my job back would save you interviewing people! AGH! Don’t say I can have my job back if I want it to my parents if you don’t really mean it!

Normally I’d talk to my Dad about this kind of thing but we had an argument yesterday about me going back to university. Well, more of a disagreement because I know I’m not well enough to go back and he doesn’t think I should either. My mum fucking hates me though and treats me like shit and won’t let me live with her. So she wants me out of the house by September and my Dad won’t let me live with him as his flat mate doesn’t want me living with them. So what the fuck am I meant to do Dad? I’m going back to university as I have no where to fucking live! I have no where to call home. I’m getting so tired of life or God treating me like shit. Just punishing me every single day. It feels like torture. Is anything ever going to go right for me in my life? Ever? The last time I felt properly healthy and good was my first year at university. Ever since then it’s just God constantly shitting on me and ruining my life. I wake up from coma and finally get close to a girl again and God goes and takes that away. I’ve told you guys before that if I don’t get a girlfriend by the age of 30, I’m going to kill myself. I might have to move that date up because I am just so tired of life and it treating me like shit. I feel like I’ve just been knocked out in a boxing ring but instead of ref stopping the fight, he just lets the guy continue to punch my head in. I’ve run out of energy and I just don’t see the point in trying anymore.

Anyway, apologies again for moaning over something so silly but like I said, I’d normally talk to my Dad about this kind of thing but he’s being funny about the whole uni thing. Thanks for reading 🙂

 

Going bald :(

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A lot of men go end up losing hair and going bald and 20% of men end up going bald before the age of 30. Sadly, I’m in that 20% :(.

I started noticing I was losing hair around 2 or 3 years ago. I basically had no hair on my crown and I got really worried and upset but, I didn’t do anything about it. It then started getting worse and worse. I’ve been using Rogaine since November last year but it hasn’t really worked and if anything, I’ve lost even more hair! My hairline has pushed even further back at the sides and the small bald spot I had at the crown of my head has got even bigger and moved even closer to my hairline. For someone who has depression, type 1 diabetes and memory problems, this is just icing on the cake. I really just want to die. Everyday I wake, 2 or 3 times throughout the day and before I go to bed, I think about ending my life. As my hair has been getting worse, I’ve thought about it more and more and it’s stressing me out so much. I dropped out of university so I could get well and go back but going bald is just making me more depressed. I don’t know if stressing about it is making me go bald quicker or if it’s a combination of things such as my poor diet and other health problems. I just know that it’s getting to the point where I need to shave all my hair off and it terrifies me.

As I’ve mentioned a million times, I can’t even get a girlfriend with hair! So what chances do I stand without hair! In my head, practically 0! All I want to do is cry and overdose on insulin but I can’t :(. I don’t know what to do. I went to see a consultant or hair specialist about going bald. We talked about having a hair transplant but it costs so much money! It’s roughly between £6,000 to £12,000 and as I currently only have £50 in my bank account, I’m quite a way off. The man I spoke to was quite nice as he said my hair was very healthy and getting a transplant now would be way to early. He said I probably won’t need one until I’m 30 but to take photos at the end of every month so I can see how fast my hair is going which I do, but it’s just making me more and more depressed. As well as that, I’m 27 so I’ve got less than 3 years! I’ve been buying Rogaine to try to help as well as other products such as Watermans Grow Me shampoo and conditioner. I’ve also bought Strand Maximizer to help. The problem with all of these is that it takes up a lot of time to use these products and when I’m going out, it either makes me late or stresses me out even more because I can’t get it done right or it takes up to much time.

I’ve been doing a lot of research into going bald, with the main focus on being if women find bald men attractive. I’ve put a few links to the websites I’ve viewed below if you want to have a look.  One of the websites had the pie chart below which are the results of asking 50 women if they mind dating a balding or bald man. 76% of which said no which has made me feel a lot better but still, that’s only 50 women and they don’t really go into too much detail about the study.

https://www.thrillist.com/sex-dating/nation/what-50-women-really-think-of-balding-men

balding men statistics, what women think of bald men
Another link is to the student room which is asking students if they find bald men attractive. Most of them, saying no which makes me feel even worse as I am a student going back to university in September and I’ve never seen one bald guy there :(. Then I found a YouTube video of two women talking about bald guys being attractive and they said yes so :/.

 

I’m just really scared at the moment because I can’t get a girlfriend with hair, so how am I supposed to get one without hair. I know it’s stupid but being in a relationship and having a girlfriend is so important to me and this just lowers my odds even more. I think I need to start looking after myself better and maybe that will help my hair. Stop eating crap/junk food, start doing some exercise, stop taking too much insulin and not dealing with my diabetes and to try to distress myself.  I’m sure none of those things will stop or even slow down my hair loss but it might so it’s worth a shot. Even if it doesn’t, it might make me feel better :). My goal is to save money so I can eventually pay for a hair transplant but at the moment, I’m just trying my best to slow it down and cover it up. I know you’re meant to just shave your hair off as its way less attractive trying to cover it up but I’m’ just not ready to shave my head. I can’t :(. I just can’t do it yet. I’m not brave enough to take that step and I’d rather kill myself.

If anyone has any advice on hair loss or going bald, I’d really appreciate it. It would be great just to talk to someone about it and to someone who can relate or help. I just feel so down, alone and upset about it. Anyway thanks for reading 🙂 Feel free to message and leave comments 🙂

https://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?t=4822880

Most//www.bbc.com/future/story/20160921-the-benefits-of-going-bald

https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/the-mating-game/201612/do-women-find-bald-men-be-more-attractive

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My Birthday

sad-birthday-cake

Hello,

Today, is my birthday. I feel really horrible today due to my Aunt. She’s a bully and is horrible to me everyday. She has ago at me for staying in my room, she had ago at me today for calling up the doctors to ask about having some medication sent to the pharmacy, she had ago at me for turning up the shower heat and had ago at me for not being outside for very long. This is what she’s like everyday and I should probably vent about it on here more as it’s just making me feel suicidal. I would list what she’s done since I moved in but I just wanted to list what she’s done today because, it’s my birthday. I thought on today she would be less of a bitch but no. She’s just carried on bullying me as she always does and normally I’d stand up for myself but I don’t as I’m scared she’ll throw me on the street and I’ll have nowhere to live.

I wanted to make a post on my birthday today as ever since my 18th birthday, my birthday has always sucked. It’s probably because on my 18th my ex broke up with me and ever since then I’ve suffered with depression so I just think of my birthday as a memory of my break up and the start of my depression. This birthday has sucked for a number of reasons and here’s the list:

1.) None of my family except my dad sent me a birthday present or card. My aunt and her son got me one but it’s a mug that says “His Lordship”. Now I’m sure I’m probably over thinking it and I’m sure anyone else would appreciate it but I swear it’s just my aunt taking a shot at me as she’s a bitch. Making out I’m some sort of snob or whatever. It’s just meant to be an insult of some sort.

2.) The other day I sent a message to my dad saying I hate living here and she’s making me feel suicidal. It’s horrible and it’s making me more unwell and ill and please, please can I come live with you. His response, I’m blackmailing him. Now normally when someone tells you they’re feeling suicidal, it’s probably not the best thing to insult them. I wasn’t blackmailing him in any way, I was just making him aware because last time I tried to take my own life, he got annoyed because I didn’t tell him. He says he want’s to talk about it when I go down and see him for Christmas but I have nothing more to say to be honest. I told him how I’m feeling and he insulted me, so I don’t really think there’s anything more to be said.

3.) I’m not sure if I said this in my previous post but I begged my mum if I could come live with her instead of living with her sister and her response was no. I bring a violent and aggressive nature to the household. I didn’t help over the summer and I’m a horrible human being. Firstly, I washed and wiped up on a regular basis and although it might not have been everyone’s plates or items, I consistently cleaned mine. Secondly, I went on many dog walks and walked Willow (Dogs name) on a regular basis. She also said I spent all my time in my room and my aunt has ago at me constantly for doing that at her house too. So to my mum and aunt. I stay in my room as I feel comfortable there. I feel safe and I’m able to have fun, get work done, relax and enjoy myself. When I’m around my mum and sisters they will just argue with me and I’m not sitting around my aunt to hear her have ago at me constantly and be consistently racist.

4.) Me and the girl I broke up with are now getting on really well. It’s amazing and I’m having so much fun talking to her and we’re really good friends now. I was meant to see her today and travel down to university but she cancelled. She cancelled because she’s very unwell and I totally understand that because she is really unwell but it would have been nice to get away from my aunt and have a nice happy day with someone I genuinely love. Instead, I’ve had to listen to my aunt treat me like shit and insult me while I sit at home doing nothing.

So those are the reasons why yet again, my birthday has sucked. All I want to do, is overdose on insulin. That’s all I want to do right now. I’d be able to escape and I wouldn’t be happy because I believe when you die, it’s just like sleeping without any dreams or nightmares. It’s just nothing. Sure I’d love there to be a heaven and if there is and I make it there, I am seriously going to go off at god for giving me such a shit life. I mean, dick haha. Sorry to anyone religious. Apparently last year my flat mates were lovely and made me a cake and decorated the flat but because of what happened in January with my coma, I can’t remember. Obviously I wouldn’t remember the one nice birthday I had. Anyway I’m just really unhappy today and I’d just for once, want to have a happy birthday. Here’s hoping if I live until next year, I’ll have one n 2019. If anyone has any advice on dealing with depression on your birthday or just having a shit birthday in general, please comment and make me feel better haha. I hope you’re all having a good and if it’s your birthday, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!