University accommodation

Accommodation

Today I received my offer for university accommodation that I applied for back in January.  Sadly, I didn’t get the choice I wanted which has made me feel pretty shit. I know, I’m just whinging about something stupid #first world problems but it’s really bothered me. Let me explain why…

So at my university, when you apply for campus accommodation you have a few choices to make about what type of accommodation you want. Such as which building and location, en suite or shared, self catered or catered and quiet, moderately quiet or normal. Now normally accommodation on campus is for first years only and I’m going into my 5th year. My 3rd year I ended up in a coma and I dropped out of 4th year as I came back to early and was ready or well enough to continue. So I already know first years get their choices first and that makes sense but housing have said it’s on a first come first served basis and applications opened up in January. I applied in January and I’m pretty sure it was on the day the applications opened. I picked north location (Not real name), self catered and quiet. The offer I received today was in North so I can’t complain there. However it was moderately quiet and not in the building I selected. So I emailed housing and asked why I didn’t get my choice of accommodation that I wanted. Here is the response I got from housing at my university.

“You have been allocated with other mature students, so although it is a moderately quiet designated flat, you will be with others of a similar age and therefore hopefully will be comfortable there”. First of all, I HATE the term “mature students”. It just makes me feel really, really old. I’m 27! I know most people joining university are 18 but the term just makes me feel like I’m double the age of new students or older! I didn’t get to go to university when I was 18 because my school didn’t even acknowledge me or anyone they didn’t think was smart enough to get to university. I also became incredibly unwell at the age both physically and mentally and since 18, I’ve been battling with my health everyday. So I didn’t get to university until I was 23 because I worked so hard to fix my health and luckily, I did. Sadly though, I had some really shit housemates my first year at university and they made me very unwell and since then, my health has just gotten worse and worse.

As I’ve been writing this post, I received a response to my reply to their email saying this. “Due to our allocations policy we have ensured mature students (24 years old and over) are housed together”. When I tried to come back for my fourth year and in my 3rd year, I wasn’t forced to live with mature students. In my 3rd year, the oldest person I lived with not including myself was 20. So this must be a brand new policy as I’ve worked for housing at my university as a residential assistant and I’ve never heard of it! Secondly to that, so because I’m over the age of 24 I don’t get the same rights as students younger than me? No matter if I apply as soon as applications open and rooms are given on a first come first served basis?

I know because I’ve worked for them I shouldn’t expect any special treatment but I mean come on. They know me and they know how much I’ve been struggling with my health while at university and even while working for them. I worked fucking hard for them and I put a tone of effort into working for them. Not to mention that THEIR security guard injected me with insulin giving me brain damage! They’re just treating me like crap. Even when I woke up from my coma, they told my parents I could have my job back if I wanted it. So I asked for my job back and they said no as all roles were filled. So I asked again in January this year as students working as R.A’s would be leaving and there response was “You won’t be back in time for interviews and all positions would be filled by then”. WHAT?! Why would you need to interview me when I’ve done the job before and giving me my job back would save you interviewing people! AGH! Don’t say I can have my job back if I want it to my parents if you don’t really mean it!

Normally I’d talk to my Dad about this kind of thing but we had an argument yesterday about me going back to university. Well, more of a disagreement because I know I’m not well enough to go back and he doesn’t think I should either. My mum fucking hates me though and treats me like shit and won’t let me live with her. So she wants me out of the house by September and my Dad won’t let me live with him as his flat mate doesn’t want me living with them. So what the fuck am I meant to do Dad? I’m going back to university as I have no where to fucking live! I have no where to call home. I’m getting so tired of life or God treating me like shit. Just punishing me every single day. It feels like torture. Is anything ever going to go right for me in my life? Ever? The last time I felt properly healthy and good was my first year at university. Ever since then it’s just God constantly shitting on me and ruining my life. I wake up from coma and finally get close to a girl again and God goes and takes that away. I’ve told you guys before that if I don’t get a girlfriend by the age of 30, I’m going to kill myself. I might have to move that date up because I am just so tired of life and it treating me like shit. I feel like I’ve just been knocked out in a boxing ring but instead of ref stopping the fight, he just lets the guy continue to punch my head in. I’ve run out of energy and I just don’t see the point in trying anymore.

Anyway, apologies again for moaning over something so silly but like I said, I’d normally talk to my Dad about this kind of thing but he’s being funny about the whole uni thing. Thanks for reading 🙂

 

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I’ve become really ill

ill

The other night at 1.00am, I woke up on my bedroom floor covered in blood. I had somehow fallen out of bed and knocked my head against something. I went to the bathroom and my face was covered in blood. I don’t know what happened at all. I went to bed at around 20.00/21.00 and my blood sugar was completely fine. I woke up disoriented and with my head spinning wondering what the hell had happened. I messaged my housemates in our group chat and one of them walked me to A&E where I stayed until 10.00am. I came discharged myself as I had a meeting at university but when I got home, I collapsed on the floor and stated having a panic attack. After being told so many times I need to focus on my health, I finally realised that maybe I need to take study leave and drop out of university until next September. However, I was not expecting the response I received from my family.

After I came home from A&E and collapsing on the floor, I called university housing, my tutor and well-being at the university and explained what had happened. Housing came round and gave me new bedding as I had ruined mine and they took me back to A&E. I saw my tutor later on in the week and I spoke to both my Mum and Dad. I told my Dad I was unwell and would I be able to come and stay with him for a year while I sort out my health. He said no because his housemate wouldn’t allow it due to they live in a two bedroom apartment and there wouldn’t be enough room. I didn’t and I don’t really want to go back to my mum’s as we don’t get along and I don’t get along with my sisters either. After my Dad said no though, I called him up again today explaining how unwell I was and if he could convince mum to let me go to hers as she also sad no.  In my head I’ve now realised how unwell I am and how much help I need and this is what my Dad said. “No”.WHAT?! No?! He went on saying I’ll come home to my mum’s and just sit on the Xbox all day and do nothing. I won’t help out around the house. I’ll get up at 13.00 and not take care of myself. He said he’d rather I stay at university and fail my degree. The man who has told me all along that I need to put my health first is now saying no when I’ve finally realised I need help. I mean, how fucking dare he! The only reason I’m at university is because I put in the effort and hard work to get my health right so I could get a degree. Yes, I agree that I have done what he said I would do in the past but that’s when I was attempting to kill myself everyday. I actually know what I need to do and I told him on the phone I would and he’s said no. He said I’d have to convince my mum on my own that I would do housework, help out, sort my health out, sleep on the floor downstairs as there aren’t enough rooms in the house and fix things with my sister as we’re not talking anymore. So, I called up my mum.

The first thing my mum said was that my Aunt said I could down and stay with her anytime. So i asked is that for the whole year? To which my mum responded I don’t know I’ll have to ask. I then basically begged and said please can I come back as I’m really unwell and I told her what dad and said about her saying I don’t help out or do anything. She said he was lying but I doubt that. She then said yes I could but kept repeating and making sure I wasn’t staying with her for Christmas and that I was gong to my Dads. I’ve become really unwell and I’m now in week 9 of my third year at university and I’ve still done no work as I feel so shit and I’m not functioning at all. Both my parents in the past have told me to focus on my health and now that I’ve acknowledged this and asked for help, they’ve both told me to fuck off basically. My Dad doesn’t think I’ll bother to get well and has put his housemate before his own son and my Mum has doesn’t think I’ll help out and has said there’s not enough room in the house for all three of us (my sisters). So,my older sister is 5 years older than me and still living at home and my younger sister is at university in her final year. Both are very well and healthy and you’re putting them first over me?! Thanks.

I am so fucking mad, hurt and upset right now at both my parents. I’m really unwell and they’ve both told me to fuck off basically and picked other people over me? A* parents right there. The fact my Dad even said you’ll just have to fail your degree then really fucks me off. It’s like, “DAD, if I fail my degree, I won’t be able to get a very good job and I’ll have no money and be in debt. Which means I’ll actually be begging you and mum to let me stay and one of yours while I end up getting a rubbish job and becoming even more depressed for failing my degree and who know’s how long I’ll need to live at home because of this. You’d rather that then letting me come back for a year to sort myself out so I can eventually graduate with an okay grade and get my own job and my own place to live? Good job at thinking ahead. So it looks like I’m stuck at university for my last year. I’m literally going to fail my degree and when that happens, I’m going to kill myself. I have no money either at the moment so even if god actually does let me pass, I’ll have nowhere to live as I don’t have any money to get a flat. I don’t have any family members that will let me live with them so I’m fucked all around.

Right now, my thoughts are to go and buy a hotel room for the a night and overdose on insulin. I don’t want to fail my degree but I’m 9 weeks behind on work and I have my dissertation to complete as well that I’m also 9 weeks behind on and I’ve written nothing for it. I’m on 0 words out of 10,000. I’ve done no reading either. I’ve literally failed my degree already unless I can take a year out. I want to die. I don’t have any family members who want to help me and I don’t have any friends at university as they’ve all graduated last year. I’ve got no one. I’m alone and scared and I don’t know what to do. Any help or advice would mean the world to me. Thanks for reading.