What skills do you have?

Word Skills highlighted with marker on paper

What skills do you have? It’s a question I’ve been asked before and it’s a question I continue to ask myself to this day. If someone asks what skills do you have, I feel kind of arrogant giving an answer. “Oh I can do this and this, this and this.I can’t forget about this”. It’s just like, “alright Mr/Mrs vain”. Sure, people can answer the question vainly but I don’t think naming your skills is vain. It’s just how I feel when someone asks me the question or when I ask someone the question and they give loads of answers. I think I probably feel this way because I’m insecure and I get jealous when people say they’re really good at something. When I get asked this question though,I don’t have an answer.

I’ve been thinking a lot about my skills and abilities because at the end of this academic year,(May) I will be graduating and applying for jobs. I will officially be starting my career which I will be doing for the rest of my life. I’m obviously very late to the party being 26 and still at university but it’s a scary thought. All I’ve ever known is academic life and going to classes and listening to teachers. I will actually be running my own life and functioning like an actually person and I don’t know if I’m ready for that. University life has helped prepare me a lot, so I sort of know what it’s like to live on your own and having to pay bills but I’ll have no one to fall back on. If I don’t understand something  to do with bills or housing contracts, I can just ask university housing what it all means and they’ll help. I’ll be on my own when I graduate and I will have to work all of this stuff out for myself. I won’t have people supporting me and helping me with work, I’ll just be managing on my own. With the current state of my mental and physical health, I don’t know if I’ll be able to manage.

Sorry I got sidetracked there for a second but when applying for a job, the employer will want to know what skills you have. What you can bring to the table that makes you better than everyone else. I’ve been thinking about this a lot and I’ve tried to narrow my panics and fears into two categories. 1.) What job do you want to do? 2.) Do you have the right skills to do that job? Well before my accident, I wanted to be a radio DJ. I wanted to work for the BBC as a radio presenter as I love music and I felt like that would be something I’d really enjoy. Now though, I have no idea at all what I want to do. My dissertation is basically on basketball and in England, basketball isn’t really that popular. I’d like to work in the NBA but how on earth am I going to get a job in the NBA?! Even if I somehow did get a job in the NBA, I don’t have the money to pay for health insurance to pay for both my mental health and diabetes. Living in America is a dream of mine but it just seems the same as wishing to fly. Then the second part of my problem is when I manage to think of something I want to do, do I even have the skills to do it?

Well I can already answer that question. No. No I don’t have the skills. I think I may have mentioned this in a previous post but back in primary school, the teacher came round and asked each of us what are talent was or what talent’s we had. I didn’t answer. I’m not remarkable or exceptional in any way. I really can’t think of any skills I might possibly have. I’m no longer athletic, I’m not great at writing or grammar, I don’t have any technology skills or computer skills even though I spend literally everyday on my computer. I can no longer play an instrument and even when I could, I wasn’t good at it. I just don’t feel like I can do anything and even if I can do something, I’m not very good at it. Whenever I say this to people they just say I’m being hard on myself but I don’t think I am. I’m currently averaging a 2:2 at university and everyone says it’s because I’ve been unwell but that’s no excuse.

Okay I feel a tiny bit better ranting about how I’m feeling. Do any of you guys ever feel this way or think about your skill set? I’d love to hear your thoughts on this so please feel free to comment :).

Dreams and aspirations

Dreams and aspirations

So recently I’ve been thinking about things I’d like to achieve before I die and as I plan on dying at the age of 30 if I don’t get a girlfriend, I think I need to make a move on. I’ve recently been thinking about my bucket list, which is a list of “a number of experiences or achievements that a person hopes to have or accomplish during their lifetime”. I started thinking about what I could put on my list and decided to start writing it. Below are a few things I’ve put on my list.

img_0232 As you can see I only have 12 things at the moment but I’m sure I’ll think of more. Obviously, a lot of these are probably going to be impossible to achieve such as meeting Magic Johnson but I’d like to hope that I could meet my hero one day. Living in NYC has been a dream of mine since I was in secondary school and luckily, I got to go there in 2017 with my best friend. So that’s one achievement or goal I can cross off my list. However, living there now just seems like an unrealistic dream. Being diabetic, I’d have to pay for medical insurance in America and as I constantly suffer from Hypoglycemia, (Low blood sugar) I feel like I would have to pay a lot for insurance. Also, and correct me if I’m wrong as I’m not entirely sure how medical insurance works over there but I think your work or job you have has to cover you. I doubt many people in America are going to want to cover someone who constantly passes out from low blood sugar levels. So living in NYC seems pretty out of reach at this moment in time.
I’d love to learn how to play the piano or guitar. The piano is one of my favourite instruments and has been for such a long time. I learned to play the violin but I never really enjoyed it and the piano would be an instrument I would actually enjoy playing. Learning a new language as well would be amazing. I’d love to learn to speak Spanish as my Aunt speaks Spanish and lives there and that would be really cool to be able to speak to her. Also many people around the world can speak more than one language so I would feel like that was a good achievement to have.

A lot of the goals I have are about learning to do things or visiting new places. I don’t really like myself and I feel like I’m very stupid and don’t have any skills. I remember in primary school the teacher went around the classroom asking people what talent they have or what one thing they were really good at. I remember being the only person that didn’t give an answer because I couldn’t think of something I was good at. To this day I still can’t name something I’m talented at. I got to university but I’m going to finish with a 2:2 which I’m not proud of at all. Yeah people could argue I’ve been very unwell and I’ve been living with really horrible people and that hasn’t helped me at all but still, I should be doing better. I know I could have done better. My other goals are visiting places and seeing of much of the world as possible. Yeah I have a few fun things on my list like watching a live NBA game but as I said, most are learning new things or visiting places.

I’ll continue to add to my list and hopefully complete it so I can start working on achieving some of those goals and aspirations. I found a website recently called skillshare where it teaches you and helps you develop new skills. I think that website will help me a lot and may even help me with my university work. Have any of you guys made a bucket list? Or do you have any dreams or goals you’re aiming for at the moment? Feel free to comment on dreams you have or feel free to comment about mine. Hope you’re all having a good day 🙂