University accommodation

Accommodation

Today I received my offer for university accommodation that I applied for back in January.  Sadly, I didn’t get the choice I wanted which has made me feel pretty shit. I know, I’m just whinging about something stupid #first world problems but it’s really bothered me. Let me explain why…

So at my university, when you apply for campus accommodation you have a few choices to make about what type of accommodation you want. Such as which building and location, en suite or shared, self catered or catered and quiet, moderately quiet or normal. Now normally accommodation on campus is for first years only and I’m going into my 5th year. My 3rd year I ended up in a coma and I dropped out of 4th year as I came back to early and was ready or well enough to continue. So I already know first years get their choices first and that makes sense but housing have said it’s on a first come first served basis and applications opened up in January. I applied in January and I’m pretty sure it was on the day the applications opened. I picked north location (Not real name), self catered and quiet. The offer I received today was in North so I can’t complain there. However it was moderately quiet and not in the building I selected. So I emailed housing and asked why I didn’t get my choice of accommodation that I wanted. Here is the response I got from housing at my university.

“You have been allocated with other mature students, so although it is a moderately quiet designated flat, you will be with others of a similar age and therefore hopefully will be comfortable there”. First of all, I HATE the term “mature students”. It just makes me feel really, really old. I’m 27! I know most people joining university are 18 but the term just makes me feel like I’m double the age of new students or older! I didn’t get to go to university when I was 18 because my school didn’t even acknowledge me or anyone they didn’t think was smart enough to get to university. I also became incredibly unwell at the age both physically and mentally and since 18, I’ve been battling with my health everyday. So I didn’t get to university until I was 23 because I worked so hard to fix my health and luckily, I did. Sadly though, I had some really shit housemates my first year at university and they made me very unwell and since then, my health has just gotten worse and worse.

As I’ve been writing this post, I received a response to my reply to their email saying this. “Due to our allocations policy we have ensured mature students (24 years old and over) are housed together”. When I tried to come back for my fourth year and in my 3rd year, I wasn’t forced to live with mature students. In my 3rd year, the oldest person I lived with not including myself was 20. So this must be a brand new policy as I’ve worked for housing at my university as a residential assistant and I’ve never heard of it! Secondly to that, so because I’m over the age of 24 I don’t get the same rights as students younger than me? No matter if I apply as soon as applications open and rooms are given on a first come first served basis?

I know because I’ve worked for them I shouldn’t expect any special treatment but I mean come on. They know me and they know how much I’ve been struggling with my health while at university and even while working for them. I worked fucking hard for them and I put a tone of effort into working for them. Not to mention that THEIR security guard injected me with insulin giving me brain damage! They’re just treating me like crap. Even when I woke up from my coma, they told my parents I could have my job back if I wanted it. So I asked for my job back and they said no as all roles were filled. So I asked again in January this year as students working as R.A’s would be leaving and there response was “You won’t be back in time for interviews and all positions would be filled by then”. WHAT?! Why would you need to interview me when I’ve done the job before and giving me my job back would save you interviewing people! AGH! Don’t say I can have my job back if I want it to my parents if you don’t really mean it!

Normally I’d talk to my Dad about this kind of thing but we had an argument yesterday about me going back to university. Well, more of a disagreement because I know I’m not well enough to go back and he doesn’t think I should either. My mum fucking hates me though and treats me like shit and won’t let me live with her. So she wants me out of the house by September and my Dad won’t let me live with him as his flat mate doesn’t want me living with them. So what the fuck am I meant to do Dad? I’m going back to university as I have no where to fucking live! I have no where to call home. I’m getting so tired of life or God treating me like shit. Just punishing me every single day. It feels like torture. Is anything ever going to go right for me in my life? Ever? The last time I felt properly healthy and good was my first year at university. Ever since then it’s just God constantly shitting on me and ruining my life. I wake up from coma and finally get close to a girl again and God goes and takes that away. I’ve told you guys before that if I don’t get a girlfriend by the age of 30, I’m going to kill myself. I might have to move that date up because I am just so tired of life and it treating me like shit. I feel like I’ve just been knocked out in a boxing ring but instead of ref stopping the fight, he just lets the guy continue to punch my head in. I’ve run out of energy and I just don’t see the point in trying anymore.

Anyway, apologies again for moaning over something so silly but like I said, I’d normally talk to my Dad about this kind of thing but he’s being funny about the whole uni thing. Thanks for reading 🙂

 

Advertisements

Going bald :(

200285526-002

A lot of men go end up losing hair and going bald and 20% of men end up going bald before the age of 30. Sadly, I’m in that 20% :(.

I started noticing I was losing hair around 2 or 3 years ago. I basically had no hair on my crown and I got really worried and upset but, I didn’t do anything about it. It then started getting worse and worse. I’ve been using Rogaine since November last year but it hasn’t really worked and if anything, I’ve lost even more hair! My hairline has pushed even further back at the sides and the small bald spot I had at the crown of my head has got even bigger and moved even closer to my hairline. For someone who has depression, type 1 diabetes and memory problems, this is just icing on the cake. I really just want to die. Everyday I wake, 2 or 3 times throughout the day and before I go to bed, I think about ending my life. As my hair has been getting worse, I’ve thought about it more and more and it’s stressing me out so much. I dropped out of university so I could get well and go back but going bald is just making me more depressed. I don’t know if stressing about it is making me go bald quicker or if it’s a combination of things such as my poor diet and other health problems. I just know that it’s getting to the point where I need to shave all my hair off and it terrifies me.

As I’ve mentioned a million times, I can’t even get a girlfriend with hair! So what chances do I stand without hair! In my head, practically 0! All I want to do is cry and overdose on insulin but I can’t :(. I don’t know what to do. I went to see a consultant or hair specialist about going bald. We talked about having a hair transplant but it costs so much money! It’s roughly between £6,000 to £12,000 and as I currently only have £50 in my bank account, I’m quite a way off. The man I spoke to was quite nice as he said my hair was very healthy and getting a transplant now would be way to early. He said I probably won’t need one until I’m 30 but to take photos at the end of every month so I can see how fast my hair is going which I do, but it’s just making me more and more depressed. As well as that, I’m 27 so I’ve got less than 3 years! I’ve been buying Rogaine to try to help as well as other products such as Watermans Grow Me shampoo and conditioner. I’ve also bought Strand Maximizer to help. The problem with all of these is that it takes up a lot of time to use these products and when I’m going out, it either makes me late or stresses me out even more because I can’t get it done right or it takes up to much time.

I’ve been doing a lot of research into going bald, with the main focus on being if women find bald men attractive. I’ve put a few links to the websites I’ve viewed below if you want to have a look.  One of the websites had the pie chart below which are the results of asking 50 women if they mind dating a balding or bald man. 76% of which said no which has made me feel a lot better but still, that’s only 50 women and they don’t really go into too much detail about the study.

https://www.thrillist.com/sex-dating/nation/what-50-women-really-think-of-balding-men

balding men statistics, what women think of bald men
Another link is to the student room which is asking students if they find bald men attractive. Most of them, saying no which makes me feel even worse as I am a student going back to university in September and I’ve never seen one bald guy there :(. Then I found a YouTube video of two women talking about bald guys being attractive and they said yes so :/.

 

I’m just really scared at the moment because I can’t get a girlfriend with hair, so how am I supposed to get one without hair. I know it’s stupid but being in a relationship and having a girlfriend is so important to me and this just lowers my odds even more. I think I need to start looking after myself better and maybe that will help my hair. Stop eating crap/junk food, start doing some exercise, stop taking too much insulin and not dealing with my diabetes and to try to distress myself.  I’m sure none of those things will stop or even slow down my hair loss but it might so it’s worth a shot. Even if it doesn’t, it might make me feel better :). My goal is to save money so I can eventually pay for a hair transplant but at the moment, I’m just trying my best to slow it down and cover it up. I know you’re meant to just shave your hair off as its way less attractive trying to cover it up but I’m’ just not ready to shave my head. I can’t :(. I just can’t do it yet. I’m not brave enough to take that step and I’d rather kill myself.

If anyone has any advice on hair loss or going bald, I’d really appreciate it. It would be great just to talk to someone about it and to someone who can relate or help. I just feel so down, alone and upset about it. Anyway thanks for reading 🙂 Feel free to message and leave comments 🙂

https://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?t=4822880

Most//www.bbc.com/future/story/20160921-the-benefits-of-going-bald

https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/the-mating-game/201612/do-women-find-bald-men-be-more-attractive

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Blowing off steam!

punchbag

So yesterday I was thinking about making a post to do with the mind and thoughts you have but I just had an argument with my unofficial ex and I’m fucking livid! I’m sure everyone is sick of me venting about this but I made this blog so I could blow off steam and not do anything stupid to myself. If you have an ex or you’re just mad and you want to feel mad along with me then this is the post for you.

Me and my ex planned to meet tomorrow morning last week to vent and clear the air. I wanted to do this just under a month ago but nope, she was busy or gave some other shit reason why she couldn’t do it and now here we are. I messaged today to see if she was still coming by tomorrow. She said yes but she had the flu and that right there was the start of all this. I thought she was just going to cancel so I said “If you’re not well you don’t have too”. She said she wasn’t cancelling but then good old me said “I thought you were gonna cancel”. This started between 1-2 hours of arguing between us. That one comment that I couldn’t keep in my head. Have you ever wanted to say something to someone but just didn’t because you knew it would cause an argument? Could have been to anyone. Well she’s cancelled so many times that I just had to say something and the only reason I said it was because I didn’t think she’d get upset by it! I thought I can put how I feel in a delicate way without upsetting her. How was that even close to delicate? Moron. She then continued to have a go at me for not talking to her this weekend and then moments later she says she’s always busy! If you’re always busy, how the fuck am I meant to talk to you?! Agh! We then argued about how long she was going to stay until and because we’d been arguing for a while, I thought I’d ask if she was still coming by. She then called me a drama queen because I keep getting mad at her. So I put “No…I’m fucking mad that you ended things between us and you continue to treat me like shit!”. This led to us pausing the argument until now.

She messages me back a few hours later saying she’s a “little mad”. She says it’s because of me saying I’m mad at her and that she’s done nothing to me since she’s been back at university. I said let’s talk about it tomorrow when we meet up and but she said she wanted to talk about it now. She said “I feel hurt and mad” so I put “Well that’s how I’ve been feeling since you ended it”. Her response, “Stop fucking guilt tripping me for ending things man. That’s not fair.That was over like two months ago.”. This is where I decided to come on here and vent instead of doing something stupid. I just lost my cool. I’m sorry it’s taking me so long to get over this but it meant something to me and she’s fucking telling me I should be over it by now?! I’m finding being her friend really tough and she is making no effort at all in this and yet she’s the one that wanted to stay friends! I think it upset me so much because I’ve been holding onto the idea that we will end up together again and her saying that just proved to me it’s never going to happen. I’ve finally come to the realisation in my head that we’re officially finished. I’ve been thinking about what I’m going to say to her tomorrow for the last week and every time I do, I call her by my ex’s name. I hate her so much now, my ex’s name just comes up in my head when I think of what I’m going to say to her. That is so sad…

Thanks for reading if you did 🙂 . Apologies for the grammar and the terrible writing. I’m going to blame it on my anger and my sleepiness. I’m seeing her in less than 8 hours so if anyone has any advice that would be awesome or if you’ve had a moment where you’ve wanted to say something but didn’t, feel free to type it out here. 🙂